That useless sot was reeking of ale by the time I caught up to him on the sixth quay.
          "Listen, you puny cur," I told him, "If we don't catch that driver before the tide comes in, it'll be our bacon in the oven."
          "I am not one jot worried, good sir," he replied, with that annoying British accent that always mysteriously showed up when he was well and truly sloshed. "I'm sure this turn of events bodes no harm for us."
          "I am going to gouge your eyes out if you don't can it with that British crap. Our loans are due tomorrow, and it ain't exactly the tax man we'll be running from if this doesn't work out. Now let's get going. I think I saw him down at the wharfside bar."
          "Catching the latest revue, is he?"
          I wasn't sure what that was, and anyway we were finally moving, so I didn't want to push it. This driver was wanted for even more crimes than I could count; definitely no boyscout. If we caught him, the reward money would be enough to put us in the clear, at least for now.
          The bar would be a zoo at this hour, but that suited me just fine. We could get in, find our guy, and get out before anyone noticed we were there. At least, that was the plan.
          "Anon, our destination!" my inebriated companion announced, pushing his way through the double doors without so much as a backward glance. By the time I got inside, he was already climbing on top of a table. All I could do was stare while he began regaling those around him with a speech on the Dalai Lama and his place in Eastern philosophy.
          About the time he started going on about yin yangs I snapped out of it, figuring that one distraction was as good as another. As long as I found the driver and got my money, it wouldn't matter if British imposter here got tossed over the aft side of a rowboat tomorrow.
          I spotted our man, and tried to make my way through the crowd, but it was no use. Between the drunks standing around in open-mouthed awe of my buddy's oratory and the small brawl that was starting over a disagreement on Lao Tzu, getting anywhere was impossible. The driver must've seen me, because he started for an exit, but he had the same problem I did.
          That's about when the cops busted in, saying they'd been getting noise complaints and wanted to arrest us all for promoting communism. What do you know, but my drunken buddy gets them arguing about the legality of the McCarthy trials, and I manage to snag the driver while everyone's distracted. The cops are right there anyway, so I turn him over on the spot, and my buddy and me buy a round of drinks with our advance on the reward money.
          So I guess it all worked out after all, but next time I go on a job, damned if I'm taking along some jerk who thinks Mao didn't know exactly what was going on when the Great Leap Forward tanked.